Suite Nothings

At the conventions, fella, everything goes.

— John D. MacDonald

I have been whiling away the lockdown reading John D. MacDonald's "standalone" thrillers, paperback potboilers from the late 50's and early 60's. 

It's no wonder Ian Fleming and French mystery readers loved John D. His prose is pungent and punchy, and his take on Americans' habits raises his work to the level of the "literary" writers of his day (think of Norman Mailer, Kurt Vonnegut, Truman Capote and Gore Vidal).

A Key to the Suite, which earned John D the Grand Prix de Litterature Policiere, “examines the ferment of a big-time convention," according to the cover of the original 1962 paperback.

Corporate hatchet man Floyd Hubbard has been sent by the home office to a trade show. His mission: to dig up dirt on a has-been sales manager, Jesse Mulaney. Management wants Mulaney gone and knows his obsolescence is on full display when he attends trade shows.

But Mulaney's ally, Fred Frick, knows Hubbard has it in for his buddy, and plans to turn to the tables.

Frick hires Cory Barlund, a classy prostitute, to woo the family man Hubbard. He instructs Cory to bed Hubbard, then “make some horribly slutty embarrassing scene" in front of his coworkers—a scene guaranteed to send Hubbard running back to headquarters.

The gorgeous Cory rather quickly seduces Hubbard, but then feels sorry for him and tells him about Frick’s scheme. 

And that's when the fireworks start.

As a veteran of the industry, I'm captivated by John D's taut descriptions of trade shows and the goings-on behind the curtain—both the innocent and the vile.

You find yourself so on edge following the fates of the husbands, wives, whores and hoteliers who populate the pages of A Key to the Suite, you can hardly put it down.

It's gritty realism at its best.

The New New Age

Were he to examine some of Facebook's users, Freud would have a field day.

The good doctor said children, primitives and neurotics all shared an "animistic" view of the universe. Every object has a will that "magical thoughts" can command.

This self-loving "omnipotence" forms the very root of narcissism, Freud believed.

So it's no surprise today's selfie-obsessed customers are embracing magical thinking, as a new report from JWT Intelligence asserts.

New-age accoutrements like crystals, gongs, incense and magic creams are hot, the report says.

"As we navigate through the stress and mundanity of our everyday existence and parallel online lives, we are increasingly turning to unreality as a form of escape and a way to search for other kinds of freedom, truth and meaning.

"What emerges is an appreciation for magic and spirituality, the knowingly unreal, and the intangible aspects of our lives that defy big data and the ultratransparency of the web."

And it's not just Trustafarians who are into magical thinking.

According to Pew Research Center, while the percentage of Americans who attend church declined between 2007 and 2014, the percentage who say they routinely "feel a deep sense of spiritual peace and well-being” increased.

"This is being played out via a third-wave New Age for a post-digital generation, which is seeking spirituality through crystals, astrology, sound baths, tarot and tapping. What differentiates this new New Age from its previous incarnations is that the alternative beliefs and practices are now considered serious, irony-free, credible, millennial friendly and cool."

Which Restroom Would Your Brand Use?

"Brands identify as many things—cute, quirky, rugged, industrial—but they are rarely male, female or other," says researcher Andreas Voniatis in Brand Quarterly.

"They may appear to be more masculine or feminine by design, but it’s rare for brands to speak in a gendered voice."

But shouldn't every brand man up to gender?

They short answer: Yes.

Voniatis cites a study by his own firm that asked how customers react to content when blind to its author.

Researchers presented 1,000 adults content grabbed from popular Facebook, Twitter and Instagram accounts. They found that content which typically produces negative reactions produced positive ones when anonymized.

"But the most interesting revelation was how responsive we are to content written by members of the opposite sex," Voniatis says. "We found that women responded more positively to content authored by men and vice versa."

According to the study, women are 2% more likely than men to react positively to content authored by a man; and men, 5% more likely to react positively to content authored by a woman.

The findings suggest brands would strengthen the appeal of their "personalities" by speaking in a gendered voice.

"By attempting to appeal to the opposite sex when writing or gendering the brand voice as the opposite of the majority of our customers, we could find new and interesting ways of engaging with our audience," Voniatis says.

The Art of Art is Simplicity

The art of art, the glory of expression, is simplicity.

—Walt Whitman

Simplicity's cool... so cool, brand researchers now index it.

But before it was cool, two artists preached simplicity every week on popular TV shows.

The beatnik, Jon Gnagy

Beatnik Jon Gnagy premiered in 1946 on NBC's first regularly scheduled TV program, the hour-long variety show Radio City Matinee. 

In the opening segment of the first episode, Gnagy stood at an easel and demonstrated, in a few simple steps, how to draw a tree. 

The show's producer called those 10 minutes of airtime "pure television," and within four months gave Gnagy his own 15-minute show, You are an Artist—TV's very first spin-off.

Gnagy used his weekly show to teach viewers how to draw the barns, haystacks and water mills that symbolized bygone America. He sketched his subjects using four basic forms—the ball, cone, cube and cylinder—with shadows cast from a single light source. When he finished each drawing, he matted and framed it, so—voila—the piece was ready to hang on the wall.

During each broadcast, Gnagy also pitched his branded art kit, complete with pencils, paper and a book of drawing lessons.

While Gnagy's prime-time show lasted only two years, it continued in weekend syndication for another 12, inspiring thousands of Boomers to learn how to draw chestnut trees, horse corrals and covered bridges.

The hippie, Bob Ross

Hippie Bob Ross preached simplicity for 11 years through his half-hour PBS show, The Joy of Painting.

Remembered for his fuzzy Afro and fuzzier aphorisms—"Happy little trees" being the most famous—Ross popularized the 16th century oil painting technique known as “wet on wet."

He also marketed a branded line of paints.

Throughout the 1980s, Ross' weekly show (which his business partner called “liquid tranquilizer”) inspired thousands of pre-Internet kids, if not to pick up a paintbrush, at least to contemplate das Künstlerleben.

Ross himself finished over 30,000 paintings in his lifetime, many of which he donated to PBS fundraisers.

Marketers Using More Agencies Less

Today's marketer farms out projects, not accounts, according to a survey by RSW/US.

RSW/US found that 74% use more than two agencies; and 17%, more than five.

They're also keeping project-work in house, hiring specialists galore.

And 40% of marketers expect project-work to increase this year.

While agencies may cringe, RSW/US sees an upside.

Marketers can no longer brush them off with "We already have an agency."

"With more marketers potentially using multiple agencies in the coming year, that objection becomes less of a hurdle, even potentially advantageous," says Lee McKnight, vice president of sales.

Marketers say they're wearied by agencies that claim they're full-service, but aren't, the survey reveals.

Marketers also say they're troubled by agencies "defaulting to digital." Too many have abandoned creativity, customer insight, and expertise in traditional media.

With more opportunities before them, agencies can win business by pitching novel projects, deep category knowledge, or know-how in a particular channel.

It's All Over Now, Baby Blue

The Ocean State's marketing captain has been fired by the governor for sinking 10% of the state's $4.5 million budget into a new logo.

Betsy Wall paid famed designer Milton Glaser $400,000 for his work. She poured another $150,000 into logo pre-tests.

Glaser's tab included the tagline Rhode Island: Cooler & Warmer, which the governor has also deep-sixed.

Glaser, the power behind the Dylan Poster and I Love New York, seemed the right man for the job—until media scrutiny took the wind out of his client's sails.

Wall's spending spree hit the front page of The Providence Journal and put the governor on treacherous seas.

"It is unacceptable how many mistakes were made in this roll-out, and we need to hold people accountable because Rhode Islanders deserve better," the governor told the paper.

The day before she was fired, Wall told Adweek she wanted to make a splash with Glaser.

"The Milton Glaser art, that is not your typical state logo," Wall told Adweek. "If you look at what other states have on their websites, it isn't usually true art like that, it isn't usually so thought provoking and inspiring. I can't think of another state, besides obviously New York, that would think to bring in somebody like Milton Glaser."

The storm's just politics, in my book.

In the early 1980s, I spent $450,000 for my employer's new logo.

No one lost her job.

Decades later, a version is still in use.

You Don't Have to be Jewish

Once upon a time, I had the privilege of interviewing madman George Lois for a magazine article about ad creative.

When I asked, "What makes an ad effective?" Lois said, "An ad has to kick you in the ass with an idea you like."

In other words, the advertiser needs to startle you, then evoke a little love.

Last year's most-shared ads, according to Unruly, did just this.

Each ad transmitted a powerful idea by marshaling a string of surprising sounds and images that, taken together, can't help but excite love… at least a little.

As Don Draper said in Mad Men, “Advertising is based on one thing: happiness. And you know what happiness is? Happiness is the smell of a new car. It's freedom from fear. It's a billboard on the side of the road that screams reassurance that whatever you are doing is okay. You are okay.”

And now for last year's most-shared ad…



Read more about emotion's role in advertising here.

Big Data Meets Big Idea

J. Walter Thompson wondered whether big data could be assembled to paint "The Next Rembrandt" for client ING.

So a team of art historians, scientists, developers and analysts created scans of Rembrandt's 346 extant paintings and used a computer to catalog the data based on commonalities.

They then asked the computer to paint a Rembrandt.

The resulting portrait combines 160,000 fragments of the artist's oeuvre.

HAT TIP: Appraiser Todd Sigety alerted me to this story. 

It's 2016. How Do You Make Customers Click?

Powerful headlines grab customers' attention, as David Ogilvy insisted.

But that was in 1963. Only basements, barns and cartoons had mice.

What makes customers click in 2016?

Subheads.

Eye-tracking studies show customers dwell longer on headlines than any other part of a web page. (Ogilvy nailed it.)

But, even when you care to say the very best, headlines can't say it all.

Their smaller, wordier siblings, subheads can. 

Subheads expand and inspire. They let you telegraph additional benefits and urge customers to act.

Headlines hook customers. 

Subheads reel them in.

Want examples of effective subheads?

Here's a baker's dozen, courtesy of Hubspot.

The Booming Business of Selling Books

You can take the boy out of Madison Avenue, but not vice versa.

Earlier this year, madman-turned-author James Patterson launched his thriller Private Vegas with a bang, by selling a single advance copy rigged to explode 24 hours after the reader opened it.

Patterson asserted that the reader who started the book would experience a veritable "race against the clock" to finish it.

The novel's price tag: $294,038.

At the same time, Patterson offered 1,000 free copies of Private Vegas on his website, digital versions rigged to "cinematically" self-detonate 24 hours after they were opened.

Patterson's experiential social media campaign racked up 419.8 million impressions, and thrill-seeking readers spent 13,896 hours reading the advance copies of Private Vegas, according to CMO. 

Paul Malmstrom, a creative director with the author's agency, bragged in a news release, “For this launch, we aimed to create the most thrilling reading experience ever. One that takes the suspense of Patterson’s new novel to a crazy, new level."

Yup, crazy… like a fox.

Patterson has sold more than 300 million copies of his novels in the past 25 years.

Shoddy Content Can Only Fail

Introduced in 1813, shoddy is a cheap woolen cloth made from recycled rags. Victorian-era manufacturers used it to make low-end clothing.

Civil War soldiers—whose shoddy uniforms would disintegrate after only days—are responsible for our use of the word to mean cheap workmanship.

By flocking to shoddy content, today's marketers are trying to pull the wool over our eyes.

But it won't work, says Jeff Rosenblum, a columnist for Ad Age.

A marketing movement is underway to deluge customers with shoddy content—a movement that gives Rosenblum deja vu.

"I'm getting nasty flashbacks to the early days of banner ads," he writes. 

"When banner ads first came out, the marketing industry treated them like rebranded laundry detergent—'new and improved!' So, we shifted a bunch of dollars online and used half-baked data to prove it worked. Until, of course, we realized it didn't."

Banner ads bombed because marketers didn't grasp their value.

"The same will be true of content if we don't apply the lessons we learned. If we simply develop content because we think it's new, improved, quicker and easier than previous tactics, we're doomed to get the same disappointing results that we got from banner ads."

Content works, Rosenblum says, when it's understood:

• Content improves brand perceptions. "Great content shows customers why a brand is different and better than the competition. It creates evangelists that carry the brand message more effectively than paid media ever could," Rosenblum says.

• Content empowers customers. The premise is straightforward: customers give you their time; you give them useful information. "It's easy to create a social post with a cute kitten and generate a bunch of social shares, but that doesn't do anything for the brand in the long run."

• Content is more than clicks. Marketers need to measure more than likes and shares. "You need to understand how well the audience understands what makes the brand different and better. You need to understand what, specifically, shifts them down the sales funnel and generates revenue."

• Content isn't cheap. "Too often, brands spend countless hours talking about the power of social media, but spend an infinitesimal amount of their overall budget creating content."

"Unlike banner ads, content marketing can fundamentally alter the future of a brand. But it won't be quick and it won't be easy," Rosenblum concludes.

As F. Scott Fitzgerald once told a would-be writer, "Nothing any good isn't hard."

What Planet are You on?

"Effective stories match the worldview of the people you are telling the story to," Seth Godin says.

The last time I checked, in my world the least effective way to persuade people you were trustworthy was to claim you were trustworthy.

What worldview does Overstock.com think customers have?

Does Exaggeration Pay?

Do your ads embroider the truth?

If so, you may be wasting your investment.

Consumers are on to you.

Early this year, research firm Lab 42 asked consumers whether they believe advertisers.

The findings are unflattering:

• Three-fourths (76%) of consumers say advertisers always exaggerate. Fewer than one-fourth (24%) say they don't.

• Among the consumers who believe advertisers always exaggerate, a majority single out advertisers' use of Photoshopped graphics as an obvious attempt to deceive.

• Nearly one-third (32%) of consumers say they "get what advertisers are up to," and 17% would like to see the government punish advertisers for exaggerating.

The Best Ad Ever

Most people in the ad biz will tell you the best ad ever created was Volkswagen's 1962 "Think Small."

The ad was the brainchild of New York-based agency Doyle Dane Bernbach.

It's held in esteem for its faultless integrity. Speaking honestly in an ad in 1962 was nearly as against-the-grain as you could get.

In an era when motorists in the US were addicted to power and flash, the ad also tapped a shadowy part of the Zeitgeist, by asking readers to consider different values.

By chatting candidly about the simple virtues of economy, DDB persuaded 200,000 Americans to buy the stubby, 40-horsepower "Beetle" that year (the peak year for Beetle sales in the US).

Clicks Don't Tell the Whole Story

Facebook's advertising director says digital ads can't be proven to drive sales, according to Business Insider.

Although counting digital ad "clicks" today remains most advertisers' yardstick, Facebook's Gokul Rajaram told an audience at TechCrunch Disrupt, "there's really no correlation between clicks and whether people actually convert."

Rajaram suggested that digital ads should not be judged by today's measurement model, but by how they build brand awareness slowly over time.

"We need to move towards a more sophisticated, multi-touch model and figure out how to accrue value at each touch point," he said.

Plus ça change.

Why Your Brand's Values Should Be Your Story

Your brand's values—its "higher purpose, philosophy, culture and contribution"—should be your story, says brand consultant Thomas Dawson in Branding Strategy Insider.

That's because stories about values resonate among customers who share those values; and when they do, "there is no need for selling, convincing, persuading and discounting."

But effective storytelling demands discipline many marketers lack:

Storytelling means ignoring many customers for a chosen few. Dawson reminds us of a line from Wayne’s World. "''Led Zeppelin didn’t write songs everybody liked. They left that to the Bee-Gees.' So it is with brand storytelling."

Storytelling means no more "marketing." Dawson defines marketing as the recitation of product facts. But facts are cold—and highly forgettable. Stories, on the other hand, "stir up intense emotions that are quickly and easily stored in our brains."

Storytelling means telling the truth. "Nobody trusts marketing anymore," Dawson writes. To earn back trust, you need to "feel authentic to customers." Authenticity is all about truth-telling and the avoidance of ad-like "tall tales."

Did You Know F. Scott Fitzgerald was Once a Copywriter?

Part 5 of a 5-part series

The year was 1918. The Great War had ended. And 22-year-old F. Scott Fitzgerald wanted nothing more than to marry the belle of Montgomery, Alabama, Zelda Sayre.

But, as Sayre made clear, there'd be no union until he could support them.

So the Princeton-educated Fitzgerald moved to New York, to try out journalism.

The venture came to little.

At a friend's urging, Fitzgerald took a $35-per-week job as a copywriter at the ad agency Barron Collier.

Things began to look up. Fitzgerald received a $5-per-week raise, when he wrote a client-pleasing slogan for the Muscatine, Iowa-based Muscatine Steam Laundry Company, "We keep you clean in Muscatine."

"'It's perhaps a bit imaginative," the agency head told him. "But still it's plain that there's a future for you in this business."

But copywriting didn't earn Fitzgerald enough to satisfy Sayre.

He quit the job and moved back into his parents' home in St. Paul, Minnesota.

Two more years and the appearance of his first best-seller would pass before the couple wed.

Did You Know Terry Gilliam was Once a Copywriter?

Part 3 of a 5-part series

In the mid-1960s, Terry Gilliam found himself unable to earn money as a cartoonist, so took a job as a copywriter in a Los Angeles ad agency.

The long-haired Gilliam didn't mind the salary, but hated agency life. Each day, he would arrive late, take long lunches and leave early.

Clients particularly troubled him.

When one, Anderson Split Pea Soup, asked for a new campaign to promote its namesake product, Gilliam produced a series of clever newspaper and radio ads. But the ads failed to increase sales in the test-market chosen by the client, and were immediately scrapped. Soon after, Gilliam learned that Anderson Split Pea Soup didn't stock its product in any stores in the test market it had selected.

After only 18 months on the job, Gilliam quit the ad agency and moved to England. That same year, he found a gig with a new BBC show, Monty Python's Flying Circus.

Though Gilliam would never again produce ads, memories of agency life haunted him and would influence his dystopian film Brazil.

Did You Know Alec Guinness was Once a Copywriter?

Part 2 of a 5-part series

In 1932, fresh out of school, Alec Guinness became a copywriter for London-based Arks Publicity, where he wrote ads for Rose’s Lime Juice.

Earning only 20 shillings a week (the equivalent of about 70 US dollars today), Guinness quit his copywriters' job to try acting.

To break onto the stage, Guinness cold-called "the greatest Hamlet of his generation," John Gielgud. Gielgud advised Guinness to take lessons from actress Martita Hunt. 

After the second lesson, Hunt told Guinness, "You'll never be an actor. You've got no talent at all." But he stuck out the lessons and in a year won a scholarship to drama school. 

In 1934, Guinness landed a minor role in Gielgud's second production of Hamlet and his acting career took flight.

It's All in the Name

Your product's name is arguably the most important aspect of its brand.

That's because names connote.

Apple once considered naming the iPhone the Mobi, according to adman Ken Segall.

My parents once considered naming me Adolph (after my mom's dad).

Be careful about the name you choose.

Brand Strategy Insider suggests there are ten possibilities for product names:

People’s names. Names that are both real and fictional. Examples include Bing and Peter Pan.

Real words. Words that have been re-purposed. Examples include Amazon and Vox.

Tweaked words. Names derived from words that have been altered. Examples include eBay and iTunes.

Affixed words. Unique names derived by adding a prefix or suffix to a real word. Examples include Friendster and Omnidrive.

Made-up words. Fabrications. Examples include Bebo and Plaxo.

Compounds. Names comprising two words. Examples include Facebook and LightScribe.

Blends. Names comprising real and partial or made-up words. Examples include Farmville and Wikipedia.

Phrases. Compounds that are phrase-like. Examples include GoToMeeting and StumbleUpon. 

Puns. Word-twists that suggest a double meaning. Examples include Farecast and Writely.

Acronyms. Names derived from the official name. Examples include AOL and M&Ms.