Reading is Fungible

An investment in knowledge pays the best interest. 

— Benjamin Franklin

According to Pew Research Center, 47% of adult Americans read every day keep up with current events; 35%, for pleasure; 31%, for work or school; and 29%, to research topics.

The majority who don't read every day—for whatever reason—represent tomorrow's economic losers.

When their jobs are automated, they'll be tossed out on the street, unable to compete even for scut work against their robotic replacements.

It's a simple fact: most highly compensated people read—many for hours at a sitting (Warren Buffet reads five hours a day). They know knowledge—not effort—is the world's new currency.

Not many years from now, knowledge will be the human's value; effort, the robot's. 

People will be paid for their grasp of reality, their foresight, their vocabularies, and their empathy, while robots produce all the products, stock all the shelves, drive all the vehicles, and serve all the coffee. Their effort will be demonetized.

If you want to help someone this holiday season, give him a book. If you're at a loss for titles, check out these bookworms' picks:

• Maria Popova
• Oprah Winfrey
• Barack Obama
• Bill Gates
• Stephen King
• Phillip Roth
• Don Draper

Garbage In, Garbage Out

New research appearing in the International Journal of Business Administration suggests junk content consumption lowers the quality of your writing.

Sixty-five adults participated in the study.

They provided the researchers writing samples and reports of the time spent reading various books, newspapers and websites.

Using an algorithmic tool, the researchers compared the quality of participants' writing samples to samples taken from the books, newspapers and websites the participants most read.

The comparisons show a strong correlation between reading and writing skills: people who read more complex stories have more complex writing, and vice versa.

The researchers blamed junk peddlers like Reddit and Tumblr for participants' worst writing habits.

Consumption of content rife with jargon, slang and shorthand threatens an adult's ability to compose complex sentences.

Neuroanatomy is also to blame.

"Neuroanatomy may predispose even adults to mimicry and synchrony with the language they routinely encounter in their reading, directly impacting their writing," the researchers say.

Or as Ludwig Feuerbach once said, "You are what you eat."

The researchers prescribe heavy doses of literary fiction and academic journals to counteract the effects of emojis, memes, tweets and listicles on writing skill.

Nunsense

Contrary to Sister Aloysius' teachings, some nonsensical statements can be unimpeachably grammatical.

Your dangling modifier can be ludicrous, yet your statement can be perfectly grammatical, as this Tweet demonstrates:
   

We develop tests for flu and other diseases that help patients.

You can ignore an absolute quality, yet your statement can be perfectly grammatical, as this web ad headline demonstrates:

Transparency you will see.

You can flout a determiner, yet your statement can be perfectly grammatical, as this newspaper headline demonstrates:

One-armed man applauds the kindness of strangers.

Your decision to recast statements like the three above is a matter of judgement, not grammar.

By letting them stand, you risk slowing readers, confusing them, or inviting them to think you're a dope.

But you don't deserve Sister's wrath.

NOTE: The examples you have just seen are true. The names have been withheld to protect the innocent. For more examples, read the final chapter of Steven Pinker's The Sense of Style.

How Did We Function before Autocorrect?

Before autocorrect made us all morons, there was the malaprop.

Named by Lord Byron after the fictional character Mrs. Malaprop (as in "inappropriate"), the malaprop is a familiar brand of verbal slip.

Malaprops are funny because, though unintended, they seem to work.

Mrs. Malaprop, for example, advised a woeful Lydia Languish to illiterate him from your memory.

Rick Perry once called state governments lavatories of innovation, while an anonymous office worker called a colleague a vast suppository of information.

Speaking of which, Richard Daley once praised Chicago's members of Alcoholics Unanimous.

Boston mayor Thomas Menino called his city's parking shortage an Alcatraz around my neck.

Comedian Norm Crosby worried when he misconscrewed what you said.

President George W. Bush warned we cannot let terrorists hold this nation hostile.

And my boyhood pal Mookie called the corroded faces in monster movies decroded.

But that was just a pigment of his imagination.

Picture This!

Emerson once wrote in his Journals, "In good writing, words become one with things."

It turns out to be true of all writing.

Neuroscientists at Georgetown University Medical Center have discovered that, when you read, a tiny portion of your brain behind your left ear sees the words not as strings of letters or symbols, but as pictures.

The neurons in that part of your brain store words in their entirety, as if there were a little dictionary inside your skull.

When you look at a word you know, your brain instantly sees a picture.

Your spongy little dictionary (called the "visual word form area") works precisely like the miniature photo album located in the opposite side of your brain, behind your right ear. 

In that part of your brain (called the "fusiform face area"), pictures of people's faces are stored.

The researchers also discovered that students with reading disabilities can improve their skill by learning words as visual objects, instead of struggling with phonics and spelling.

My Birthday Cake Moment

If it's true, as futurists predict, that the next great war will be an economic one, the US has already lost.

How do I know?

I've had my birthday cake moment.

In a crucial scene in Battle of the Bulge—one of my all-time favorite war movies—actor Robert Shaw, who plays a Nazi colonel, examines a birthday cake he's seized from an American POW.

He turns to his adjutant and says, "The enemy has the fuel and planes to fly cake over the Atlantic Ocean. Do you know what this means? Germany has already lost the war."

Last week, while waiting at the gate for a flight, I had my birthday cake moment.

It's important to note the flight number was 1175; the time of departure, 11:20.

A woman and her teenage daughter plopped down next to me.

The woman looked lost and confused. "Did we get here in time?" she snapped at the girl.

The teenager rolled her eyes, unfolded her boarding pass and scrutinized it.  "The plane doesn't leave until 1175," she insisted.

Seventeen years old... and she can't tell time.

Do you know what this means?

We have already lost the war.

The Last Word in Websites

Pinterest may end the reign of the word, changing the Web into a mammoth picture book.

So says marketing consultant Frank Reed, writing for Biznology.

Reed claims "we are rapidly moving toward the point where we are going to be communicating in flash cards of images—and words may be an unsettling extra, if needed at all."

Marketers may be forced to ditch copy for pictures, Reed says, for the simple reason that "everyone is doing it."

Google—because its engine indexes words—has spurred marketers to build copy-intensive Websites, in an effort to optimize searches.

But the age of copy-heavy Websites may be at an end, thanks to the surge in popularity of Pinterest.

Customers' preference for pictures poses a predicament for marketers, Reed asserts. 

They must move quickly "toward toward a dumbed down version of communication," or run the risk of driving Website visitors away.

"Is your business ready for its image to be represented in images?" Reed asks.

"Are you able to help the over-informed get to your point as quickly as possible through eye candy? If not, you may find yourself looking antiquated quicker than you could have ever imagined."