Butcher's Bible

Democratic theories of government in their modern form
are based on dogmas of equality.

— Madison Grant

Madison Grant was a New York City lawyer who in 1916 published The Passing of the Great Race.

Grant's work flew off booksellers' shelves after Science and The Saturday Evening Post both praised it, and climbed steadily to become an international best-seller.

The Passing of the Great Race attributed every benefit of civilization to the efforts of the Nordic race, and every threat to those benefits to people of other races. 

Based on its claim of Nordic superiority, the book argued for the end of immigration and equal rights and the start of a national eugenics program designed to foster "obliteration of the unfit."

However, thanks to the protests of anthropologists like Franz Boas and Margaret Mead—who produced compelling counter-evidence that showed race had no bearing on culture—the arguments made by The Passing of the Great Race soon fell from favor, and Madison Grant lost his following.

But not completely.

One day in 1934, Grant received a letter from a prominent German, who thanked him for writing "my bible." 

The letter was signed by Adolf Hitler.

From Here to Eternity

As it liberated Rome in June 1944, the US Army came upon the American philosopher George Santayana, missing from his adopted homeland for over three decades. 

The 80-year-old had been living in Italy in poverty, boarding at a Catholic nursing home and writing an autobiography.

A reporter for Life photographed the philosopher on a park bench and asked his opinion about the war.

"Of war he knew nothing," Life's reporter wrote: "I live in the eternal."

America's sorry state has fatigued me to a degree where I'm ready to "do a Santayana" and check out of public affairs.

The kleptocrats who run this country can have their plunder, for all I care. 

Screw them.

Beginning today, I live in the eternal.

Will you join me?

War on Words

It's a beautiful thing, the destruction of words.

― George Orwell, 1984

Two decades ago, two child development specialists tracked the weekly growth in the vocabularies of 42 children over 30 months. They discovered a child's socioeconomic status determined her vocabulary's breadth―and her test-scores later in school.

So not only does family of origin determine academic success; words do, too.

So why destroy them?

After a public outcry this week, the head of the CDC denied that President Trump banned the use of seven words by her agency: diversity, entitlement, evidence-based, fetus, science-based, transgender, and vulnerable.

But, as it turns out, new style guidelines imposed by Trump do ban the seven words―and that CDC is by no means the only agency under the thumb of the president's word-police.

“Where they have burned books, they will end in burning human beings,” the German poet Heinrich Heine said. And where they have destroyed words?

But fear not: resistance is facile.

Invent a word every day. 

If you need inspiration, follow Fritinancy, a blog dedicated to new-word formation.

Be like Shakespeare or Dickens or Orwell (who once wrote, "What is wanted is several thousands of gifted but normal people who would give themselves to word-invention as seriously as people now give themselves to Shakespearean research"):

• Shakespeare invented the words articulate, barefaced, baseless and watchdog.
  

• Dickens invented the words coffee-imbibing, messiness, sawbones, and seediness.
  

• Orwell invented the words newspeak, prole, thought-police, and unperson.

My new word for the day?

Automadon.

Killing Marketing: Dead on Arrival

I'm a fan of Joe Pulizzi, coauthor with Robert Rose of the new 260-page book Killing Marketing. 

So I wish I could recommend it.

I can't.

The big idea behind the book―that businesses can convert marketing from overhead into profit―is preposterous; not because it's so wrongheaded, but because it's so thoroughly unrealistic.

Were the idea not preposterous, you'd find more real-world examples than the handful the authors can cite (although I'm flattered they include mention of the magazine I launched for the Society of Fire Protection Engineers, Fire Protection Engineering.)

The "killing" in the title, by the way, is word-play. The authors want you to kill your marketing operation and replace it with a killer media company. (That, or the authors are targeting Bill O'Reilly's audience.)

Killing Marketing argues you can profitably sell the content that drives your marketing, like any media company does.

Sell your content? At a profit? Hell, most organizations can't give it away.

The book further argues you can transform your in-house marketers into crackerjack journalists and media moguls who can "monetize" your audiences.

Fat chance.

When it comes to marketing their products, most businesses indeed "throw good money after bad," as the authors say: they deploy tactics without an underlying strategy; invest in tactics that do not work; and drop successful tactics without forethought.

But to ask every business to "create and distribute non-product-related content" is like asking your auto mechanic to produce Cars, your barber to stage Hair, or your lawnmower to publish Better Homes & Gardens.

Ain't gonna happen.

Yes, LEGO profits from LEGO Club Magazine; Red Bull, from Red Bulletin; and the Society of Fire Protection Engineers, from Fire Protection Engineering. 

But could a single additional organization in those markets replicate that success? Probably not.

A logician would say the authors have written an entire book based on the fallacy known as the "argument from small numbers." Arguments from small numbers go like this:

After treatment with our new drug, one-third of the mice were cured, one-third died, and the third mouse escaped. So if we treat 1,000 mice, 333 will be cured.

The gist of Killing Marketing goes something like this:

Marketing-campaigns-turned-into-media-ventures by six organizations became profitable. So if you mimic them, yours can be profitable too.

With apologies to Hugh Fullerton: Saying it don't make it so, Joe.

2017: Year of Bunco

Never attempt to win by force what can be won by deception.

― Niccolò Machiavelli

2017―a year which will live in infamy―will be remembered as the year of bunco. 

The year in highlights:

• In December, the GOP-led Congress sells the public secretly-written tax reform based on its ability to lift the economy, when in fact the legislation will have no effect but to enrich already-rich donors. It promises as well to increase the federal deficit by at least $1.5 trillion within 10 years.
  
  
• In December, citing privacy concerns, the FCC revokes net neutrality, dooming the practice of free speech, social and political activism, and small-business success via the Internet. The action follows Congressional repeal in March of Obama-era Internet privacy protections.
  


• In November, despite extensive evidence, President Trump insists Russian meddling in the 2016 presidential election is a "hoax" perpetrated by his opponent's minions. Meanwhile, an increasingly revanchist Russia readies to invade NATO countries, without comment from the president.
  
  
• In October, four days after the mass shooting in Las Vegas, the NRA states, "Banning guns from law-abiding Americans based on the criminal act of a madman will do nothing to prevent future attacks." Although more than one mass shooting occurs daily, gun makers―via the NRA and its lickspittles in public office―maintain any effort to regulate guns would be fruitless.
  
  
• In August, 10 days after riots in Charlottesville, Trump blames his critics―including the vast majority of journalists―for rousing white supremacist hate groups, while claiming at the same time his critics "are trying to take away our history and heritage."
  
  
• In June, EPA head Scott Pruitt defends Trump's exit from the Paris Accord on grounds that it will create jobs. Asked whether Trump and he believe man-made climate change is real, Pruitt responds, "The president has indicated the climate is changing; it’s always changing. I’ve indicated the same.” The US now stands as the earth's only nation to reject the treaty.
  

The Gift of Spam

One never-ending thread throughout the posts on Goodly is the link between persuasion and clarity. So it's ironic when spammers leave comments that are less than persuasive.

Some are so odd they're worth collecting. Here are just six from the past six months:

Vivian wrote, "An ever increasing number of individuals are transforming their PCs and entomb association into an apparatus not only for simple entertainment and past time but rather as a money machine."

Puspendu wrote, "After reading this post only words came out from my mind that is 'wow.' This post has helps me to acquire some new knowledge. So thanks for sharing such a awesome post. Microwave black friday best power inverter."

Traci wrote, "The last implies that you may need to purchase another telephone and record the whole information once more. Additionally, there stay high odds of your own information being abused. Individual recordings and pictures if spilled can cause a great deal of damage."

William wrote, "A good number of home fire happen within the winter several months than all other year, when that cozy warmth to a fireplace was at its a good number of inviting. Not alone are fire a peril, space heaters can be used to heat rooms that require an special boost script proofreading."

Nancy wrote, "Having a wedding album revealed suggests that you'll decision yourself a published author; you'll not comply to it currently; however it conjointly suggests that you'll accretion the titles publicity commissioner and sales supervisor to the title of published author online paraphrase."

Baqi wrote, "Made from pork and cut to pieces and then marinated from mixtures of soy sauce, vinegar, citrus, bay leaf and some spices."

Now that sounds like Spam!

And with that, Happy Hanukkah. And have a Holly, Jolly Christmas.

Why are Events Attracting Publishers?

While events are no easy money, publishers are onto them like white on rice.

Digiday reports that Forbes, in a move "symptomatic of an industry in change," is shifting from magazine to event production, firing print people and hiring event ones.

"Forbes’ struggles aren’t unique, given the carnage that befell both traditional and digital media outlets in 2017," Digiday says.

What's behind the carnage?

A new study by Reuters suggests readers are done with digital content—there's too much of it, both good and bad—and that content shock is slaying the golden goose digital publishing represented 20 years ago.

Today's readers spend only eight minutes a day on publisher's content—and most (92%) are  unwilling to pay for it. That's made it nearly impossible for publishers, reliant on advertising income, to sustain profits—no matter their investments in cool platforms and reputable content.

"The content bubble will eventually burst unless more robust business models are found," says Rasmus Kleis Nielsen, coauthor of the study.

One "more robust business model" may in fact be events, where margins hover around 30%.

Events No Easy Money

Disneyland is a work of love. We didn't go into Disneyland
 just with the idea of making money. 

— Walt Disney

Publishers find events alluring.

According to Hubspot, 26% of B2C publishers and 42% of B2B publishers say they're today's fast-growth revenue stream.

And why not? The publishing business model and the events business model seem quite similar on the surface.

But any resemblance is deceiving.

“Events are not the golden goose publishers think they are,” one publisher recently told Lucinda Southern, reporter for Digiday. "Events work when it fits into the publisher’s key interest areas, passion points and depth of knowledge.”

"Publishers are not just competing with other events companies, but any content provider or brand that claims to have a route to consumers," Southern writes. "Making money from events often requires a dedicated team and a different set of skills when selling event sponsorship packages."

Among the pitfalls:

• Events have sizable sunk costs (venue rental, speaker fees, marketing expenditures, etc.) absent in publishing.
  
• Sponsorship sales are tougher than ad sales. Salespeople need to understand event operations and must close sponsorship sales faster, often with non-advertisers. There's also more difficulty proving prospects' ROI.
  
• Events aren't a "bright and shiny" channel. They look old-school next to the latest digital "solution."

“They say events are like a sausage, wonderful to eat, but you don’t want to get involved in what goes into them,” another publisher told Southern. 

“You have to love the complexities, the highs and lows, embrace that passion. Publishing companies that dabble will not succeed.”

Can Your Brand be Amazoned?

A year-old startup is killing it by selling web cameras on Amazon for 90% less than its competitors, The New York Times reports.

So are other new companies selling things like appliances, tools, clothing and cosmetics.

The piggybacking startups are pioneers in a drive toward "better products for ludicrously low prices," the newspaper says; and pose an existential threat to "big brands."

For a fee, Amazon provides sellers turnkey distribution, marketing and sales; sellers, in turn, can concentrate on product design and manufacturing.

“As this takes off, it really makes you start to question, what is a brand in the Amazon age?” e-commerce consultant Scot Wingo told The Times. 

"In a way, Amazon is providing all this information that replaces what you’d normally get from a brand, like reputation and trust. Amazon is becoming something like the umbrella brand, the only brand that matters.”

How about your brand?

Can it be Amazoned?

Even if it's a service, for a 10-20% fee, Amazon's willing to wager it can.

Right now, Amazon restricts the business services it resells to computer and building maintenance. But how long will it be before Amazon expands into accounting, advertising, coding, consulting, event planning, executive recruiting, lobbying, public relations, tax preparation, and temporary staffing?

Not long, I'd bet.

Homo Motivatious

I'm not here to be average. I'm here to be awesome.

— Anonymous

Unless you're from Alabama, you know other human species besides Homo Sapiens evolved from the the apes, including Homo Heidelbergensis, Homo Erectus, Homo Abilis and Homo Neanderthals; and that none of these other species survived various climate changes.

What you may not know is that a new species has evolved since the late 20th century.

While physically identical to Homo Sapiens, Homo Motivatious are distinguishable by their incessant chirpiness, vapid vocabularies, and eagerness to self-aggrandize.

Members of the species are most often observed in gatherings at conventions and near social media streams (their preferred hunting grounds).

They can be readily identified by their continuous excretion of bromides such as "Work hard, dream big," "Create your own sunshine" and "Failure is a bruise, not a tattoo."

Scientists studying Homo Motivatious have found strong evidence to support the theory that the species developed immunity to normal human emotions such as boredom, jealousy and resentment. But scientists remain uncertain as to the reason the mutation was favored.

One scientist who examined the skull of a species member has concluded Homo Motivatious evolved not as the result of abrupt climate change, but abrupt economic change.

Her conclusion is consistent with statistical data gathered over the past 50 years.

The data show the earth's population of Homo Motivatious rises during periods of job decline, and falls during periods of job growth.

Prediction: In 2018, Resistance Will Become a Competitive Advantage

In May, I suggested more brands would seek to differentiate themselves by publicly resisting Trump.

I'm going on record to predict that, in 2018, hundreds of brands—large and small—will do so.

From among the many issues at stake in the culture wars—economic justice, gender equality, racial equality, access to healthcare, access to education, immigration, globalization, global warming, diversity, privacy, and incivility—each brand will choose the issue most closely aligned with its essence. 

That's simply Marketing 101.

What's not Marketing 101 is the wisdom resistance will take.

Perrenials

Now every man may be his own statue.

– Jeremy Bentham

We hear much about Millennials; little about Perrenials.

That's about to change.

The perrenial "auto-icon" of 18th-century British philosopher Jeremy Bentham will travel next spring from London to New York for an exhibition at The Met Breuer.

Ten years before his death, in Auto-Icon; Or, Farther Uses of the Dead to the Living, Bentham suggested that mummified corpses (which he called "auto-icons') could serve as "statuary" for anyone with a big ego, but a small pocketbook.

Auto-iconism, Betham said, was the thrifty way to be honored in death. You'd spare your heirs both the cost of a funeral and a statue. They could decorate the garden with you.

"For many a year this subject has been a favorite one at my table," the philosopher said.

Always one to walk the talk, Bentham specified in his will that he become an auto-icon:

"My body I give to my dear friend Doctor Southwood Smith, to be disposed of in a manner hereinafter mentioned, and I direct he will take my body under his charge and take the requisite and appropriate measures for the disposal and preservation of the several parts of my bodily frame in the manner expressed in the paper annexed to this my will and at the top of which I have written 'Auto-Icon.' The skeleton he will cause to be put together in such a manner as that the whole figure may be seated in a chair usually occupied by me when living, in the attitude in which I am sitting when engaged in thought in the course of time employed in writing."

Bentham's final instructions were followed to a tee; and since his death, in 1832, Bentham's auto-icon has filled a cupboard at the University College London.

And now it's traveling to New York.

Bentham's head, alas, won't make the trip. It will remain behind, on display at the college. A wax substitute, made by Bentham's doctor in 1832, will ship with the body.

Ads Need Instant Meaning to Register

If a sign is not necessary, then it is meaningless.

— Ludwig Wittgenstein

A fundamental law of advertising—a law too often ignored—goes:

The more you try to say, the less you get across.

How many times have you seen mind-boggling ads like this?

What's the advertiser promoting, you wonder. 

A family of ales? A bar? A restaurant? 

None of the above.

It's a trade show. 

But is it the cloud computing industry's "premier show?" Or is it the cloud computing industry's "global show?" You decide. The advertiser can't.

Confusing ads never register with readers.

"Ads need to have 'instant meaning' to stand a chance," says a recent report from brand consultancy Kantar Millward Brown.

"When developing ads based on an idea or feeling you want to communicate, make sure these can easily be grasped," the report says.

"An idea or impression has a better chance of landing, and influencing, what are often superficial future purchase decisions."

More on James' Hierarchy

A colleague asked me to rate his organization's events on the 5-point scale I proposed earlier this week.

The events are among the most important, prestigious and successful in the market they serve.

That understood, I gave them a single star.

To recap the rating system I proposed: 

• 1-star events focus on everyday needs, satisfying attendees' needs to navigate without stress through physical space; meet other people and chat; acquire useful information; and talk business.

• 2-star events cater to fantasy, satisfying attendees' needs to lessen anxiety and escape reality.

• 3-star events provide cheap thrills, satisfying attendees’ needs to be wowed and titillated.

• 4-star events provide genuine thrills, satisfying attendees’ needs to be awed by proof of human ingenuity and displays of daring.

• 5-star events focus on melioration, satisfying attendees’ needs to improve not only themselves, but to better the lives of others.

If you are honest about your own event and can at best award it one star, remember that to earn a 1-star rating from Michelin, a restaurant has to represent, “A good place to stop on your journey, indicating a very good restaurant in its category, offering cuisine prepared to a consistently high standard.”

Even celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay’s restaurants all don’t have a Michelin 1-star rating.

Advice to CES: Add a Super Keynote

The producers of North America's largest B2B event, CES, are in the hot seat.

Seems they neglected to include any women in the lineup of keynote speakers at next month's show. The error was compounded when a spokesperson answered hostile critics by saying none was qualified, and blaming the paucity of women leaders on the tech industry.

The fact that CES has featured 21 women keynoters in the past 11 years escaped notice.

My humble advice to CES: add a super keynote (and make sure she's a she).

Words aren't your ally in this case, so quit relying on them.

Actions speak louder.

13 Email Marketing Don'ts

My clients are nonplussed by spam traps. 

Me, too.

Spam traps catch legitimate emails—even personal ones—routinely. There are a million and one reasons; but most boil down to:

• The ISP that originated the message (some welcome use by spammers, so get themselves blacklisted);
  

• The software that sent the message (was it sent, say, sent by Outlook or by a suspected "spam engine?"); and
  

• Content "red flags" (flashy HTML, for example, or words and phrases like "click" and "buy now").

Like death and taxes, you cannot avoid spam traps. But you can try. Here are 13 email "don'ts" to help you:

• Don't neglect list hygiene. Bad list hygiene may very well be the email marketer's "original sin." Clean your list regularly through an outside service to remove non-deliverable email addresses.
  
  
• Don't get flagged as a spammer. Use email delivery providers who closely guard their reputations and don't use "dirty servers" to send your messages.
  
  
• Don't include a lot of pictures. Hackers love to use pictures to spread viruses, so spam filters consider every one of them a carrier.
  
  
• Don't include a lot of links. Two are safe; three or more put you in the danger zone.
  
  
• Don't use spammy keywords. Avoid "amazing," "limited time only," "you're a winner," and other dangerous words and phrases. Watch your Subject lines, in particular. A line like "Urgent reply required" makes your message look like a Nigerian business proposal.
  
  
• Don't use large fonts, colored fonts, or ALL CAPS. They'll raise your spam score.
  
  
• Don't send attachments. They're another tool hackers love. By sending them, you're begging to be blocked.
  
  
• Don't flout CAN-SPAM rules. Don't omit your return address or an opt-out feature.
  
  
• Don't send to web-based email addresses like Gmail, Yahoo, and AOL. These providers have traps that are unforgiving. If you must send to web-based email addresses, realize many messages will be blocked.
  
  
• Don't send to "seeds." Seeds are inserted by list-scrapers into harvested lists. Sending emails to them will get you flagged as a spammer.
  
  
• Don't send in the dead of the night. That's what spammers do.
  
  
• Don't send too often. Spammers do that, too.
  
  
• Don't bombard a single domain. Corporate email servers are set up to block messages sent to a large number of people at one domain.

Think Small

You've heard of a Volkswagen. But a Volksempfänger?

The Volksempfänger ("People's Radio") was introduced in Germany in 1933 upon decree by Hitler's propaganda minister, Joseph Goebbels.

The low price of the deluxe model—the equivalent of two weeks' pay—made the Volksempfänger affordable to most working families; and a cheaper model—nicknamed the Goebbelsschnauze ("Goebbels' snout")—could be bought on store credit by the unemployed.

Goebbels' idea was simple: the Volksempfänger would assure "no one can break out."

Brainwashing was was baked in. The Volksempfänger's dial only let listeners find German and Austrian stations; and the lack of shortwave reception made it impossible to listen to foreign broadcasts, unless you added an antenna—a criminal offense that was punishable by confiscation of your radio, a fine, imprisonment in a concentration camp, or death.

At the Nuremberg Trials, Hitler's armaments minister Albert Speer told the judges, "Through technical devices like the radio and loudspeaker, 80 million people were deprived of independent thought."

I sometimes wonder why so many of my fellow Americans cherish inane ideas.

Then I remember, there's our version of the Volksempfänger.

Fox News.

James' Hierarchy

Like gourmands, event attendees crave a "5-star" experience, and event producers should want to deliver one.

But how do you define a 5-star experience? Or, for that matter, a 1-, 2-, 3- or 4-star one? 

To my knowledge, nobody's offered a definition. So I will.

With a nod to Abraham Maslow, James' Hierarchy of Experiences presupposes:

1. Experiences can be categorized by their capacity to fill attendees' needs, and
   
2. Experiences can be ranked hierarchically.

So, from the bottom to the top, here goes:

Everydayness. This term characterizes the experience delivered by the vast majority of successful events; cribbing from restaurant-rating systems, you might label them "1-star" events. Events in this category more or less satisfy attendees' basic needs to (1) navigate without stress through physical space; (2) meet other people and chat; (3) acquire useful information; and (4) talk business. Of course, many events don't meet even this rock-bottom standard: their signage is inscrutable; they over-schedule attendees; they make every session a panel; and they treat suppliers like lepers.

Fantasy. This term characterizes "2-star" events like Mardi Gras, Coachella and Fantasy Fest. Events in this category fill not only attendees' everyday experiential needs (to navigate, converse, learn and do business), but their next-level needs to lessen anxiety and escape reality. Disney has mastered the delivery of such experiences. The more event producers can emulate the company, the closer their events will advance toward "2-star" status. Virtual reality is a quick and dirty way to accelerate that advance.

Cheap Thrills. This term characterizes "3-star" events like Comic Con, Burning Man and Bike Week. Events in this category fill not only attendees' everyday needs and their needs for fantasy, but their needs to be wowed and titillated. Remarkable stunts, goofy sideshows, celebrity appearances, and novel tchotchkes abound at events in this category. Every producer should strive to produce an event that delivers cheap thrills; few do.

Genuine Thrills. This term characterizes "4-star" events like CES, Sundance, and the Indianapolis 500. Events in this category fill not only attendees' everyday needs, their needs for fantasy, and their needs for cheap thrills, but their needs to be awed by (1) proof of human ingenuity and (2) displays of daring. The delivery of genuine thrills is the reason the Colombian Exposition, The 1964 New York World's Fair and the 1992 Summer Olympics made the history books.

Melioration. This term characterizes "5-star" events like TED, SXSW and the Aspen Ideas Festival. Events in this category fill all of attendees' needs, including the very highest-level ones: to improve not only themselves, but to better the lives of others. Maslow would call it self actualization.

NOTE: The term everydayness is borrowed from the philosopher Martin Heidegger; and melioration, from the philosopher William James (alas, no relation).

Bye, Bye, Ancien Régime

Kings, aristocrats, tyrants, whoever they be, are slaves rebelling 

against the sovereign of the earth, which is the human race.

— Robespierre

Call me crazy, but I believe we'll look back on December 2017 as the month billionaire GOP donors signed their own death warrants.

In 1789, when France's overtaxed 98% decided enough privation was enough, they tore down the Bastille, looted the artisocrats' châteaux, and burned tax collectors' homes. 

A month later, they enshrined equal opportunity in the Declaration of the Rights of Man and of the Citizen.

Bye, bye, ancien régime. Hello, guillotine.

Riot and bloody mayhem.

It can't happen here, you say?

It can. It has. It will.

Republicanism (small R) runs deep in our history, from Jefferson to Lincoln to Eisenhower to Sanders. It doesn't suffer fat cats.

To honor Emancipation's 24th anniversary in April 1886, Frederick Douglass spoke in Washington's Israel Bethel Colored Methodist Episcopal Church.

Criticized by newspapers at the time of waving the "waving the bloody shirt," Douglass warned the audience:

“Where justice is denied, where poverty is enforced, where ignorance prevails, and where any one class is made to feel that society is an organized conspiracy to oppress, rob and degrade them, neither persons nor property will be safe."

Is Your Copy Ducky?

There once was an ugly duckling.

And if you read to the end, you'll learn how he dealt with his handicap.

But first, let me ask: Do you know how to guarantee readers won't abandon your copy?

Copywriter Joe Sugarman has two rules:

• Start with a story. It creates an emotional bond with readers.

• Seed your copy with hooks. Sugarman calls them seeds of curiosity.

Sugarman also urges you to start your story with a short sentence.

Short spurs curiosity.

Short openers are the novelist's trick, as Anthony Doerr demonstrates in the first sentence of All the Light We Cannot See:

At dusk they pour from the sky.

And a short opener can be even stronger, Sugarman says, if it jibes with readers' feelings:

There once was an ugly duckling. 

Poor guy. Would you like to be called ugly?

Once you've started your story, to urge readers on, you must continue to play to their curiosity.

You do so with hooks, like this one:

Now here comes the good part.

Hooks work because the human mind doesn't like unfinished business.

That's why TV series like Stranger Things exploit cliffhangers. They prompt viewers to binge.

You want readers to binge on your copy.

Otherwise, they'll never buy a thing.

And things could get ugly for you. 

Fast.

But, you say, B2B doesn't work like that! B2B is boring.

Baloney.

Tell it to Farmers Insurance. 

Here's the opener of an email I just received from the company:

I'm a small business owner, and I visit my clients' offices often.
I pretty much live on the road. Here's my challenge.

Hooked yet?

You'd laugh, if I told you the email promotes a Certificate of Insurance.

How boring is that?

Now back to our duck...