Roll Over, Richard Branson

Real brand spokespeople can't hold a candle to imaginary ones for tugging heartstrings.

Personification, hypnotizing us since Homer's day, attributes human qualities to animals, abstractions and inanimate objects.

Not only do educators and entertainers like Sesame Street, Disney and Pixar tap into personification, but marketers bank on it to spur customers' cravings for parity products.

Personification is a breed of metaphor, and the DNA of every marketer's imagination, says marketing professor Stephen Brown.

"Our very understanding of the world is reliant on figurative thinking," he writes. "Metaphors are both unavoidable and invaluable. They are the bits, the bytes, the binary code of the imagination and the crucible of today’s creative economy.

The most powerful metaphors symbolize human embodiment, sensations and emotions, Brown says.

"Hence, we sniff out market opportunities, listen to the voice of the customer, keep in touch with technological developments, spot yawning gaps in the market and lament the chronic myopia of top management. Our basic worldview is personified, in other words, and marketing’s root metaphors reflect this fact."

A sampling of famous personifications includes:

• Mr. Peanut
• Mr. Moneybags
• Mr. Clean
• Michelin Man
• Marlboro Man 
• Uncle Ben
• Aunt Jemima 
• Betty Crocker
• Peter Pan
• Californian Raisins
• Pillsbury Doughboy
• Jolly Green Giant
• Keebler Elves
• Snap, Crackle and Pop
• Google Android 
• Budweiser Clydesdales
• Tony the Tiger
• Dove Soap
• Red Lobster
• Angry Birds
• Playboy Bunny

NOTE: Thanks to photographer and video producer Ann Ramsey for suggesting this post; she personifies creativity.

Beware Influencers for Sale

The Federal Trade Commission isn't keen about marketers who truck with shady social media influencers, as two recent cases illustrate.

In November, it slammed ad agency Deutsch for misleading consumers after a rabid junior account exec persuaded fellow employees to use their personal Twitter accounts to broadcast ringing endorsements of Sony's PlayStation Vita game console.

The employees failed to disclose they worked for Deutsch or that Sony was a client, and the FTC ruled their tweets could reasonably be understood as the genuine opinions of consumers.

This month, the FTC charged online network Machinima with consumer deception because it paid two influencers $45,000 to post videos on YouTube that endorsed Microsoft’s Xbox One. Like Deutsch's employees, the two influencers failed to disclose that their seemingly authentic opinions were anything but.

Machinima had guaranteed Microsoft 19 million views of the videos.

Unfortunately, one originated within the FTC.

Robert Downey Words

After Robert Downey, Jr., walked out of a TV interview during which the reporter brought up the actor's former drug abuse, Downey's defenders agreed: he had reformed, and there is no call to bring up his dissolute past.

Words, too, can reform themselves, giving us no call to dredge up their once-dark lives.

Linguists call the mysterious process whereby a pejorative sheds its negative connotation over time amelioration.

Like guests at a Hollywood party, we're surrounded by words (and phrases) that have—over history—ameliorated:

• 30 years ago, bad meant crummy, sick meant unwell, wicked meant vicious, killer meant murderer, and shut up meant be quiet. 

• 70 years ago, collaborating meant aiding the Nazis, and a geek meant a freak in a circus.

• 200 years ago, lumber meant trash.

• 800 years ago, pretty meant cunning, shrewd meant evil, and nice meant stupid.

Publish, Don't Perish

Everyone knows "less is more," says Alexandra Samuel in the Harvard Business Review; but masters of brevity can sound loutish on line.

And one ill-thought-out email can jeopardize a career.

When writing an email or social media post, Samuel suggests you:

• Use a conversational tone
• Start with your key point
• Avoid profanities, acronyms, bragging and kvetching
• Exercise caution with humor
• Be 30% nicer than you are off line
• Adapt your tone to the platform

No matter the topic, "if you write it down, you should be prepared to see it on the front page of a newspaper," Samuel says.

"That doesn’t mean you can’t email your colleagues about confidential business dealings, but be sure that you can live with whatever you’ve written—so don’t write down anything that would sound small-minded or unethical (particularly if taken out of context). And when you’re posting on social networks, which are out in the open, assume that anyone can see anything—including your boss, your mother, your clients, and your kids."

Watch Those Weasel Words

Weasel words—defaults for bureaucrats and politicians—are qualifiers that nervous speakers and writers bank on for cover.

Avoid them, because the more you water down thoughts with weasel words, the less clear and certain your speech and writing become.

For example, instead of saying, IT possibly seems to have suggested that Aptly may no longer be supported after December 31, say IT may no longer support Aptly after December 31.

At the same time, avoid absolutes like always, never, will not, cannot and nothing is worse than.

Avoid statements like, Nothing is worse than displaying your password. Really? What about your company's recent job-cuts, the drought in California, or Syria's civil war?