Please Kill the Zombies

Clichés are writing's walking dead.

You can pretend they're harmless, but soon they'll take over—and come back to bite you.

A scrupulous writer kills clichés when they begin to pop up in her work.

"A scrupulous writer, in every sentence that he writes, will ask himself at least four questions," says George Orwell in his 1946 essay Politics and the English Language:

• What am I trying to say?
• What words will express it?
• What image will make it clear?
• Is the image fresh?

A scrupulous writer will ask, in addition:

• Could I say it in fewer words?
• Have I said anything avoidably ugly?

"But you are not obliged to go to all this trouble," Orwell says. 

"You can shirk it by simply throwing your mind open and letting the ready-made phrases come crowding in. They will construct your sentences for you—even think your thoughts for you, to certain extent—and at need they will perform the important service of partially concealing your meaning even from yourself."

Before you click publish, do readers—and yourself—a favor.

Please kill the zombies.

All Web Journalists are Liars

Jon Stewart convinced us—as if we needed convincing—that all TV journalists are liars.

Ryan Holiday, minus the laughs, is the Jon Stewart of the web.

After reading the first 40 pages of Trust Me, I'm Lying, you will never read news from Business Insider, The Daily Beast, Drudge Report, BuzzFeed, Politico or Huffington Post with your old credulity again.

A recovering PR practitioner, Holiday explains how starving web journalists work; and how greedy publishers and wanton publicists exploit their hunger every hour of every day.

"Bloggers eager to build names and publishers eager to sell their blogs are like two crooked businessmen colluding to create interest in a bogus investment opportunity—building up buzz and clearing town before anyone gets wise," Holiday writes. "In this world, where the rules and ethics are lax, a third player can exert massive influence. Enter: the media manipulator."

With the same aplomb that Silent Spring laid bare corporate greed and The Pentagon Papers government secrecy, Trust Me, I'm Lying exposes the utter corruption that plagues web journalism—and the noxious effect it has on all of us.

Save $26,041 per Employee with this Simple App

A 2008 study by SIS International Research showed that an employee squanders 17.5 hours a week deciphering faulty communications in the workplace. The researchers estimated the wasted hours to cost a small company $26,041 annually.

No surprise. 

Communication, like every business activity, is prey to Murphy's law. 

Any message that can go wrong will.

But there's a simple app available that will staunch the flow of red ink.

It's called clarity, and it's friendly and easy to use:

• Turn long sentences into two or three shorter ones.

• Chop big blocks of text into separate paragraphs.

• Use connectors—words like although, but and because—to join ideas together.

• Avoid pronouns—words like it, we, they and this. Use pronouns sparingly and you won't write a sentence like: Advise customers they are guaranteed to work 24/7 when we upgrade our servers.

• Be careful with directions—words like about, before, on and over—and you won't write a sentence like: Before lunch with the client we should hash out next year's price increases.

You can get the full download on clarity from "grammarphobes" Patricia O'Conner and Stewart Kellerman's You Send Me: Getting It Right When You Write Online.

The Booming Business of Selling Books

You can take the boy out of Madison Avenue, but not vice versa.

Earlier this year, madman-turned-author James Patterson launched his thriller Private Vegas with a bang, by selling a single advance copy rigged to explode 24 hours after the reader opened it.

Patterson asserted that the reader who started the book would experience a veritable "race against the clock" to finish it.

The novel's price tag: $294,038.

At the same time, Patterson offered 1,000 free copies of Private Vegas on his website, digital versions rigged to "cinematically" self-detonate 24 hours after they were opened.

Patterson's experiential social media campaign racked up 419.8 million impressions, and thrill-seeking readers spent 13,896 hours reading the advance copies of Private Vegas, according to CMO. 

Paul Malmstrom, a creative director with the author's agency, bragged in a news release, “For this launch, we aimed to create the most thrilling reading experience ever. One that takes the suspense of Patterson’s new novel to a crazy, new level."

Yup, crazy… like a fox.

Patterson has sold more than 300 million copies of his novels in the past 25 years.

Alpha Dogs

I'm as much a fan of Larry Page, CEO of newly formed Alphabet, as the next guy.

Without his efforts, I'd still have to haul around dictionaries and encyclopedias; and I'd be writing blog posts with software other than Blogger.

But Larry overstates and overwrites, as shown in his August 10 letter to investors.

While exemplary in tone, the letter is littered with dogs.

Borrowing from some new-age infomercial, he tells investors (twice) that he's "super excited" about Google's prospects, and "really excited" to announce Alphabet.

Who wouldn't be? The reorganization lets him put "tremendous focus on the extraordinary opportunities" at Google, and lets him continue to work alongside its new CEO, a diversion Larry is "tremendously enjoying."

And why not? Google's new CEO brings about "amazing progress" and "incredible growth."

It all adds up to a "very exciting new chapter" in Google's life.

And it all spells "hooey."

Overwriting betrays under-thinking.

Overstating strains credulity.