Social Media Marketing Would Make George Carlin's List

Oxymorons was one of comedian George Carlin's best routines.

Carlin relished the absurdity of stock phrases like "friendly fire," "resident alien" and "genuine veneer."

You can add to the list, "social media marketing."

Does your organization get it?

It's just a matter of good manners. 

Steering a conversation toward yourself is boorish.

And fruitless.


Unless it was started explicitly to solicit referrals, inserting a commercial note into a conversation will kill it. Quickly.


Given our need for commercial-free conversation, it's little wonder the social media platforms can't find an ad-revenue business model that works.

The Closer They are to Buying, the More Customers Talk about Your Advertising

As they near a buying decision, customers talk about your advertising, according to a 2011 study by the Keller Fay Group.


But if your advertising's not talkworthy, they won't have much to say.


That's why it's wise to begin any ad campaign with the copy.


No one ever talks about the clever use of of Calluna Sans in your mailers, the bold use of orange on your home page, or the relaxed read in your radio spots.


The words put the word in "word of mouth."


That's why Miami-based agency Crispin Porter + Bogusky asks its creative teams to submit their ideas for new campaigns in the form of a news release.


By framing the campaign in terms that are newsworthy, they increase the odds the campaign will also be talkworthy.

Tip #5 for the Business Writer

Keep Your Phrases Parallel
Part 5 of a 5-part series on writing well.


Parallelism adds clarity to your writing readers appreciate.


In a parallelism, you keep the structure of any series of related phrases consistent, repeating the same word forms (your nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc.) in the same order.

Parallelism can occur within a sentence or within a paragraph.

Here's an example (from Florida Coconuts) of a faulty parallelism within a sentence:

Coconut water is fat free, delicious, and a great way to rehydrate after strenuous physical activity.

To make her structure parallel, the writer should say:

Coconut water is fat free, delicious and refreshing. It provides a great way to rehydrate after strenuous physical activity.

Here's an example (from Sony) of a faulty parallelism within a paragraph:

The installation of 600 Sony SNC-DH140T cameras was decided upon for three main reasons. The first was Sony’s outstanding image quality, both at day and night, in any season, and under any light conditions. The second related to backlighting: cameras in an airport terminal have to offer good image quality of the traffic inside as well as the people outside. The third criterion focused on the necessary integration with ADP’s existing Genetec software. Sony delivered seamless compatibility here: as soon as a Sony camera is installed on the ADP network, the Genetec software can add it automatically, without human intervention.

To make his structure parallel, the writer should say:

The installation of 600 Sony SNC-DH140T cameras was decided upon for three main reasons. The first was Sony’s outstanding image quality: images are clear both at day and night, in any season, and under any light conditions. The second was Sony's exceptional backlighting capability: cameras in an airport terminal have to offer good image quality of the traffic inside as well as outside. The third was Sony's seamless compatibility with ADP’s Genetec software: as soon as a Sony camera is installed on the ADP network, the Genetec software can add it automatically, without human intervention.

Tip #4 for the Business Writer

Avoid Imprecise Pronouns
Part 4 of a 5-part series on writing well.


If clarity is the aim of your prose, you miss the mark when you use imprecise pronouns. In particular, this and that.


These pronouns work only when clearly tied to a previous reference.


If used otherwise, they destroy clarity.


Here's an example (from Winterthur Technology Group) of an imprecise pronoun:


For the Winterthur group, the term "engineering" covers the complete consulting, support and training program. This helps customers to optimize the quality and efficiency of their grinding processes and achieve added value.

The pronoun this always refers to one thing. 

So, Winterthur, exactly what helps customers? Is it the term "engineering?" Consulting? Support? Or the training program?

The writer might have achieved clarity by saying:

For the Winterthur group, "engineering" means three things: consulting, support and training. Our three-pronged approach helps customers to optimize the quality and efficiency of their grinding processes and achieve added value.

Or the writer might say:

"Engineering" at Winterthur encompasses consulting, support and training, so you can optimize your grinding processes and get added value.

Tip #3 for the Business Writer

Subordinate conjunctions: handle with care

Part 3 of a 5-part series on writing well.

If you botch your use of subordinate conjunctions, you might be understood by readers. But you won't get any medals for logic.

Subordinate conjunctions are the glue that binds the independent and dependent parts of your sentences.

Subordinate conjunctions—handy words like after, because, however, until, where, whether and why—depict vital parts of reality, such as cause, sequence, timing and location.

Careless writers use subordinate conjunctions in ways that defy reason.

Here's an example (from Mobile Deals):

Tiny smartphones are selling like hot cakes these days, and HTC Wildfire S is clearly the proof of this statement, however one company who was trying too hard to prove this point is now no longer between us.

The sentence is illogical. The writer wants to tell readers:

• Sales of Wildfire S prove the high demand for tiny smartphones.
• In spite of the demand, one manufacturer of tiny smartphones has failed.

He should say:

As the HTC Wildfire S proves, tiny smartphones are selling like hot cakes, although one company that tried hard to prove the point is no longer with us.

A better alternative might be:

Sales of HTC Wildfire S prove the popularity of tiny smartphones, although one company that tried to milk the demand has failed.

Here's another example (from Smucker's) of the faulty use of a subordinate conjunction:

Moms and dads work hard to make sure their kids have a great start each day, but time and organizational challenges can make mornings stressful. Whether rushed or relaxed, the makers of Smucker's Snack'n Waffles brand waffles want to hear about your morning routine.

The writer's real aim is to say: 

• Morning routines are stressful for dutiful parents.
• Smucker's wants to learn whether yours is rushed or relaxed.

But she puts the dependent part of her second sentence in the wrong place. She should say:

Moms and dads work hard to make sure their kids have a great start each day, but time and organizational challenges can make mornings stressful. The makers of Smucker's Snack'n Waffles brand waffles want to hear whether your morning routine is rushed or relaxed.