Alpha Dogs

I'm as much a fan of Larry Page, CEO of newly formed Alphabet, as the next guy.

Without his efforts, I'd still have to haul around dictionaries and encyclopedias; and I'd be writing blog posts with software other than Blogger.

But Larry overstates and overwrites, as shown in his August 10 letter to investors.

While exemplary in tone, the letter is littered with dogs.

Borrowing from some new-age infomercial, he tells investors (twice) that he's "super excited" about Google's prospects, and "really excited" to announce Alphabet.

Who wouldn't be? The reorganization lets him put "tremendous focus on the extraordinary opportunities" at Google, and lets him continue to work alongside its new CEO, a diversion Larry is "tremendously enjoying."

And why not? Google's new CEO brings about "amazing progress" and "incredible growth."

It all adds up to a "very exciting new chapter" in Google's life.

And it all spells "hooey."

Overwriting betrays under-thinking.

Overstating strains credulity.

We're All Water

Streetwise Americans—my spouse among them—used to vie for MBA degrees in international marketing.

Then globalization happened, and there were no international marketers, only marketers.

The value of those MBAs evaporated, and the people holding them had to find new ways to distinguish themselves.

Marketing Week columnist Mark Ritson predicts the same fate's about to befall anyone claiming pedigree in digital marketing.

"Digital has changed the world so much that it has become the world," Ritson writes.

The very word, in fact, is a "dodo," Ritson says—doomed to disappear from business's vocabulary.

There are no international marketers, there are no digital marketers.

There are only marketers.

As Yoko Ono sang, "We're all water in this vast, vast ocean. Someday we'll evaporate together."

3 Easy Hacks to Make You a Great Writer

Imagine earning $1 for each encounter you have with some grifter hawking simple hacks for turning your mediocre copy into gold.

You'd soon be another Warren Buffet.

But life's just not that easy… until now.

You've reached Mecca on your journey to $1 million every month.

That's because I'm pulling back the curtain to reveal the three most awesome writing hacks ever offered:

1. Read. 

2. Read. 

3. Read.

These three magic bullets come endorsed by a NOBEL PRIZE WINNER.

On April 16, 1947, novelist William Faulkner led a Q & A session in the English department's creative writing course at Ole Miss.

During the session, a student asked him, "What is the best training for writing?"

Faulkner advised, “Read, read, read! Read everything—trash, classics, good and bad; see how they do it. When a carpenter learns his trade, he does so by observing. Read! You’ll absorb it. Write. If it is good, you’ll find out. If it’s not, throw it out the window.”

So that's it. Read, read, read. 

Killer!

Wait, there's more in my pipeline!

In my next post, I'll share the greatest hack in the history of modern media.

For now, here's a teaser.

Your Content Marketing is Broken

Most marketers treat mobile as a poor cousin, even though 61% of online content gets viewed on mobile devices in the US, according to comScore.

Websites, blogs and ads are still designed by rote, looking swell on desktops and laptops, but broken on mobile devices.

The majority of marketers also ignore the fact that customers often switch throughout the day from mobile phones to tablets, designing content for just one of these devices.

By failing to design "adaptive" content, marketers are merely distracting chronically distracted customers.

Analysts call the right content marketing strategy for today a "mobile-first strategy."

Maybe it's time to get smart about your strategy.

If the shoe fits.

How Did We Function before Autocorrect?

Before autocorrect made us all morons, there was the malaprop.

Named by Lord Byron after the fictional character Mrs. Malaprop (as in "inappropriate"), the malaprop is a familiar brand of verbal slip.

Malaprops are funny because, though unintended, they seem to work.

Mrs. Malaprop, for example, advised a woeful Lydia Languish to illiterate him from your memory.

Rick Perry once called state governments lavatories of innovation, while an anonymous office worker called a colleague a vast suppository of information.

Speaking of which, Richard Daley once praised Chicago's members of Alcoholics Unanimous.

Boston mayor Thomas Menino called his city's parking shortage an Alcatraz around my neck.

Comedian Norm Crosby worried when he misconscrewed what you said.

President George W. Bush warned we cannot let terrorists hold this nation hostile.

And my boyhood pal Mookie called the corroded faces in monster movies decroded.

But that was just a pigment of his imagination.