I'm often accused—unfairly—of mansplaining.
While eager to explain why those accusations are unfair, I'd rather examine a more urgent topic: grandsplaining.
With two bright, inquisitive grandchildren, I often worry that I'll turn into one of those elders who "grandsplains." Or, worse, that I already have.
Grandsplaining needs no explanation.
"You should never cross your eyes, because one time they'll stay stuck that way."
"Don't swallow the seeds or they'll grow in your stomach."
"Ronald Reagan doesn't deserve statues because his tax policies destroyed this country."
"Hip hop never had a Lennon-McCartney to elevate it above noise."
That's grandsplaining.
But how do you avoid it?
The short answer is: you don't.
You can only strive to avoid it, through constant vigilance and self-examination.
Whenever the need to grandsplain arises, take time out to ask yourself these six key questions:
2. Did my grandchild say something demonstrably false? If not, let go of your inner pedant's urge.
3. Do I simply wish to appear old and wise? If so, just remember you once owned a plaid leisure suit.
4. Do I always assume the child knows less than I do? Guess what. You're wrong!
5. Did the parents ask me to instruct my grandchild in a scholastic subject? If so, it's probably okay to grandpslain—but you'd better know what you're talking about.
6. For just this once, can I resist the urge to grandsplain? If not, then at least keep it brief. There's no need to trace why a woodpecker pecks wood from Darwin's On the Origin of the Species back to Aristotle's Historia Animalium.
That's it. Asking yourself these six simple questions will reduce or eliminate the painful urge to grandsplain.
Try them!
Postscript: In my next post, I'll explain how you can also apply my self-questioning technique to combat mansplaining.
