Child's Play

A child loves his play not because it’s easy, but because it’s hard.

— Benjamin Spock

The recent rehabilitation of Mr. Potato Head has led me to consider whether one of my favorite childhood games—Cowboys & Indians—can be similarly salvaged, or whether it's so outré it must remain on the ash heap of history.

When I was a kid, we'd exhaust ourselves playing the game. 

We'd dress in partial costumes and chase each other around the parks, playgrounds and backyards for hours, in hopes of catching anyone from the other side off guard.

Cap guns made the game especially thrilling.

Woke being only a preterit in the late 1950s, no one—least of all, the adults—questioned the politics of the pastime. 

It was, after all, the era of TV Westerns like Gunsmoke, Cheyenne, The Lone Ranger, and The Rifleman.

If Cowboys & Indians is to be suitably reformed for today's kids, fundamental changes to the game will have to be made.

First, the name.

Although the word order unjustly prioritizes the colonizers, Cowhands & Indigenous Americans would seem best. But only the full name should ever be used; never the acronym.

Next, the objective.

Cowboys & Indians' goal is simply to eliminate as many of your opponents as possible in an afternoon. The goal of Cowhands & Indigenous Americans should be for both sides to meet and negotiate the restoration of broken treaties (including appropriate reparations). The change will mandate that all players dress as attorneys.

Finally, the rules.

Under the new rules, Cowhands will be required to wear body cameras at all times. Purchase of a cap gun will require training, licensing, an intensive background check, and a two-week wait period (except in Texas). The use of bows and arrows, if certified authentic, is permitted. No player may pad her billing.

  

As Dr. Spock said, child's play isn't easy.