A Bum's Wages

Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum.

— Joe E. Lewis

You can't get good help these days.

I know. 

I've been trying for almost a month to find someone to turn on my sprinkler system (it's controlled by a bunch of servo-motors and above my pay-grade). 

Two different companies have already broken two appointments each; a third is now on deck to come to my home and do the 20-minute job three weeks from now—for five times the price asked by the other two oufits.

I won't hold my breath anyone shows up.

The proprietors are quick to point out to me the source of the trouble: bums.

While business owners are working 17-hour days, bums are sitting on their couches, collecting juicy federal payments. 

Never mind their companies collected juicy federal payments, too, last summer—in fact, three rounds of them.

The unspoken message: socialism breeds bums.

Or not so unspoken.

Today's Delaware Business Times features an editorial by the publisher headlined, "Delaware’s leaders need to rethink federal benefits." 

He calls for the state's governor (a Democrat) to follow the lead of the nation's Republican governors and withhold all federal unemployment payments.

The payments, he says, represent a "body blow for small businesses."

The metaphor makes clear the publisher believes business owners and elected officials are engaged in a boxing match.

"Ladies and gentlemen, in the red corner, 'Punching' Pete Proprietor... and in the blue corner, Patrick 'The Pickpocket' Politico. Let's get ready to rumble!"

Business owners make a simple argument. 

It goes like this:

There are tons of jobs available. But bums just want to sit at home and spend the $300 federal unemployment checks they get every week to finance their Commie lifestyles. They're not grateful for the bum's wages we so graciously offer—because they're bums. And the bums are being abetted in their ambitionless bumhood by the bleeding-hearts who want their votes. They should all be kicked off the gravy train and go to work—for us. Pronto. Profits are at stake. 

I, for one, don't care to admit our normal economy functions because of the millions of working poor who are paid a bum's wages.

I just want my sprinklers turned on. Now. Cheaply.

But you can't get good help these days.

UPDATE: As it happened, I had to call a fourth company to turn on my sprinklers.