If there is one thing I dislike, it is the man who tries to air his grievances when I wish to air mine.
— P. G. Wodehouse
"Modern" families can stand down.
Toymaker Hasbro announced yesterday that its spud-shaped figure will now be referred to by the gender-neutral name "Potato Head."
The company's Potato Head kits, moreover, will now include enough parts to allow kids to create same-sex potato couples.
"Hasbro is making sure all feel welcome in the Potato Head world," the company announced on its website.
Those spokespeople did not announce whether the toymaker will remove "bro" from its name, however.
A spokesperson for the National Potato Council (NPC) applauded Hasbro's decision, pointing out that potatoes, in fact, are genderless.
"Let me explain what happens when one potato loves another," NPC's spokesman told Goodly.
"The parts of their flowers, which do have genders, become, if you will, 'intimate.' Pollen from the male part migrates to the female part. The female part then grows into a potato, but that potato is neither male nor female. So, scientifically speaking, Hasbro's decision to remove 'Mr.' was absolutely the correct one."
"This is fake botany," Greene told Goodly.
"Everybody knows God made two sexes when He created potatoes. Hasbro and the Council are just kowtowing to you-know-who: libtards from the land of fruits and nuts."
Unlike Greene, the majority of gendered trade characters, including Mr. Clean, Mr. Bubble, Mrs. Butterworth and Lille Miss Sunbeam, support Hasbro.
Although unavailable for interview, Mr. Peanut told Goodly through a publicist, "I'm a 'nut' for LGBTQ rights and salute Hasbro for its bold decision."
