Race to the Bottom

If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.

— George Orwell

Realtors can no longer show the "master bedroom."

Developers can no longer add spammers to a "blacklist."

Winners can no longer claim their victory was a "cakewalk."

"America's reckoning with systemic racism is now forcing a more critical look at the language we use," reports CNN. 

"And while the offensive nature of many of these words and phrases has long been documented, some institutions are only now beginning to drop them from the lexicon."

At the risk of offending both Blacks and Asians, I'll go on record to say we're on a slippery slope when "reckoning with systemic racism" means we have to mince words.

We must call off the thought police before it's too late; before, to avoid giving offense, we're reduced to ostension—to pointing to things to describe them. That won't work well on Zoom.

Words alone—divorced from their intent—should never be policed, with the sole exception of slurs and curses; and even those have their place in the "lexicon."

I'll offer three reasons why censoring trigger words is bad:

• It crimps your style

• It beggars language—and impoverishes humanity

• It represents bad history

Take, for example, the supposed trigger word "blacklist."

"Blacklist" came into use in English through 14th century cops, who would enter suspects' names, Columbo style, in a black book, which they often called the "list." By calling the list "black," they were denoting the dreaded book's two covers, and nothing more.

When using "black," no 14th century Englishman had race in mind, as history shows. 

The word "black" in fact was borrowed ten centuries earlier from the German "blak," meaning "burned." Charcoal was black; soot was black; ink was black; coffee was black. But speakers of English at the time never referred to Africans as "black;" they described them instead as"swart," borrowed from the German "schwartz." By the 16th century, speakers of English did indeed begin to call Africans "blackamoors," but Africans—and people of African descent—weren't called "black" until the mid-1960's, when the Black Panther Party popularized that use of the word.

Besides putting us on the slippery slope to ostension, censoring trigger words challenges the censors to find "neutral" replacements, an effort doomed from the start.

Take, for example, "master."

If "master" is banished from their language, what can Realtors call the former "master bedroom?" Their association suggests "primary." That word-choice in turn makes the smaller bedrooms "secondary." Problem solved! 

Not quite. Plan to put guests, your parents or—worse yet—your grandparents in one of the "secondary" bedrooms? Better not, because that word dishonors them by implying, "You're second-rate."

And if "master" is banished from sports, what will the PGA call "the Masters?" "The Apprentices?" I hope not.

I suggest were replace "master"—in every industry—with "biggly."

Then, you can kick off your shoes and tell your wife you're going to lie down in the biggly bedroom and tune into "the Bigglies."

Problem solved—unless a veiled reference to Trump triggers your wife. Then you're safer just pointing to the large bedroom and watching the golf tournament on mute.