Saturday, November 14, 2020

A Confederacy of Crepehangers


All events are linked together in the best of all possible worlds.

— Voltaire

Most of the 78 million Americans who voted for Joe Biden—myself included—are chirpy this morning, now that
the election has been called.

But whether their pleasure will last more than a morning I doubt.

Most liberals I know are Cassandras. Cassandras seem to prevail under our tent and, often, I feel awash in them.

Cassandra, of course, was the fusspot daughter of the king of Troy. Apollo made her a seer in exchange for a toss in the hay. She used that power to warn the Trojans the city would be invaded by Greeks hiding in the belly of a wooden horse. No one listened to her; but, gosh darn it, she was right.

Other liberals I know are Doubting Thomases. There are plenty of them under the tent, too.

Doubting Thomas, you'll recall, was the Apostle who refused to buy into Jesus's resurrection. "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were I will not believe," he told the disciples. But unlike Cassandra, Thomas had to eat crow.

Because I'm a cock-eyed optimist, I prefer liberals who are Pollyannas.

Pollyanna was the character in a 1913 eponymous novel whose father taught her the "glad game." The game demands that, so you'll never be disappointed, you "find something about everything to be glad about." When you shower in saccharinity, the novel preaches, you're never disappointed.

Speaking for myself, I'm a Pangloss.

Pangloss was the talkative tutor in Voltaire's 1759 novel Candide. He is a baseless, feelgood optimist and follower of the Enlightenment philosopher Leibniz, who insisted we live in "the best of all possible worlds."

While crepehanging liberals lament the future of  America—cursed as it was by the shameless slaver, germ-spreader and colonizer Christopher Columbus—I'm content like James Brown to say: I feel good.

America's an okay place.

And I'll point out, like Pangloss did, that without Columbus we wouldn't have Mallomars.


NOTE: Writer Robert Brault said it right: "You can look at optimism and pessimism as two different outfits in your closet, and you decide each morning which one you're going to wear."




Thursday, November 12, 2020

Snowflakes


In arguing, what people lack in intellect they
usually make up for in name-calling.
— C. Vallo

Yesterday, I resorted to name-calling on social media, in violation of my own principles.

I labelled GSA Administrator Emily Murphy a "porker."

The point of my tirade against Murphy: because the Trump appointee refuses to affirm Joe Biden won the election, she threatens the progress of the president-elect's work on the pandemic.

"Nearly 1,500 Americans will die each day," I wrote. "That's a World Trade Center Collapse every 48 hours. She's a home-grown, overweight terrorist. Like the boss."

I admit, I called her a name. I didn't solve anything. But my ill manners stemmed from a frustration I share with 77 million other Americans.

My post "triggered" two conservative male colleagues, who said I should be ashamed of my "vicious name-calling."

In deference to them, I replaced the hurtful word "porker" with the more affectionate "blimpie pie."

It's undeniable: name-calling is wrong; fat-shaming is cruel. 

But it's worth noting that snowflakes can't take the heat; and that conservative ones, in particular, cannot tolerate the name-calling of women. (Unless their last names are Clinton, Harris, Pelosi, Omar, Ocasio-Cortez or Gaga.)

I applaud the snowflakes' chivalry. 

And I offer them a deal: I'll never call another woman an offensive name, if you grant every woman her right to a safe and sanitary abortion.

Do we have a deal?

Wednesday, November 11, 2020

Winner



Joe Biden won the election by more votes than any challenger to an incumbent president since 1932, when FDR beat Herbert Hoover.

I finally predicted something correctly!



Suckers


Never give a sucker an even break.

— W.C. Fields

Broke, Trump is fleecing the dopes who worship him.

Don't be deceived. 

The challenge to President-elect Biden is all about Trump's pockets.



POSTSCRIPT, NOVEMBER 15
: Former Trump attorney Michael Cohen has predicted the windbag will soon flee Washington and start the "Trump Network." I predict he will flee not to Mar-a-Lago, but Moscow.

Monday, November 9, 2020

Shot Heard Round the World


Drugmaker Pfizer announced today it has developed an effective vaccine against Covid-19.

Despite the good news, public health officials are insisting that anti-vaxxers, by refusing the new vaccine, are likely to weaken its role as a safeguard.

In only 10 months, Covid-19 has infected 50.5 million people, and killed over 1.25 million. 

The new vaccine could cut the number of infections by 90%, according to Pfizer.

But not if anti-vaxxers—estimated at 7% of the world's population—get in the way.

Anti-vaxxers have tried to sabotage vaccines before.

In 1956, the influential newspaper, television and radio columnist Walter Winchell told audiences—inaccurately—that Dr. Jonas Salk's new polio vaccine was a "killer" because it contained a live strain of the disease.

To rescue the truth, Elvis Presley agreed to be inoculated in public.

On Sunday, October 28, backstage before his second appearance on "The Ed Sullivan Show," Elvis posed for the cameras while two New York City health care officials gave him a shot of Salk's new vaccine.

Americans witnessed, close up, that the King was no anti-vaxxer, and agreed, right then and there, they wouldn't be, either. 

Thanks to Elvis' stunt, vaccine adoption rates surged, polio contraction rates plummeted, and polio outbreaks—once the scourge of every American summer—soon faded from memory.



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